I’ve heard all
over the place what atheism says: explain all the killing in the Old Testament,
can you? And what about hell? Some people
goes there and God is pleased with it? The bible contradicts itself all over
the place, I’m a free thinker, I have great morals and I don’t believe that God
exist. I remember one time this guy who used to be a leader in church told me:
it’s too easy for them Christians to ask you to believe cause they say believe in
what u expect and and trust in what u can’t see, is because they can’t explain themselves.
I even heard a pastor say: God is a spoiled child: when you do something good
comes from him and when u do something bad it comes from you so you are punished.
Well, in my
personal experience I can say I used to go to church and hear the pastor say u
need a personal relationship with God, I used to sing, pray and read my bible
and I was wondering what the hell is he talking about? This feels more like a
religion to me where if you don’t follow the rules you are ashamed and misjudged.
All this
came to a point in my life where I was thinking yeah, God probably is a spoiled
child and if u think thru logic it can’t be explained so who knows? I’ll just
have good morals and be good to others.
But the
thing is later on that path I didn’t believe
in everything but myself and the guy who I was in love with and I became so
frustrated in life, there was no relieve, ever. When my Christian special
someone left me I was devastated. I felt like I was alone in this world and life
didn’t make sense anymore. I promise to myself to never step in a church again
and God wasn’t going to help me, it didnt even cross my mind. Later on, since there was
nobody to tell me what’s right or wrong I decided to do anything i could to numb myself from the freaking pain and
state of loneliness cause it was killing me. And I tried, but then was
me again alone in my room trying to fill the emptiness, what do I do now to
feel I’m not alone? I
wasn’t so unhappy I can’t even explain.
My humble
opinion:
Going back
to where I started about the killing in the Old testament, God knows. About
hell, I wish nobody has to go there and sometimes
I think it will be like that but God knows and he knows why because: have you
ever being abused sexually? Have you been bullied to the point you want to
commit suicide? Did someone made you feel like you were capable to do
nothing at all? I’m not saying those
people will go to hell, even further I think they won’t but God knows
why or what is going to happen.
To me now,
it comes to trusting all these doubts, I think in a God who is good and wants
my happiness and the best things for me. I just trust. Now a days I’m just so thankful that I
thought maybe someone needed to know there is hope at the end. And just like the verse says
faith is trusting in what you expect and being convince of what you can’t see. I’m
not a perfect person now, I’m far beyond. But God is good and He takes me as I
am. If you ever feel empty, ask God to help you; u can be honest about everything when u pray. And all
those questions about the Bible, ask God,
he won’t be mad. About anything actually, he is just good.
The last
thing to say: Do not loose hope!
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